Many moons ago when I was a fairly new incumbent, the Church of England was discussing same sex relationships, someone who has become a friend, and has probably long since forgotten this, called me out for homophobia.
You see I was treading the fine line that I could offer the best pastoral care to Gay Christians whilst holding firmly to what still might be considered a conservative evangelical position that there should never ever be a change to church teaching about marriage and sexuality. Sometimes my care was exemplary, and sometimes fell short of what the demands of the ordinal intended.
I remember that it was a biting exchange, which I resisted. I used the phrase, some of my best closest friends are gay, which actually even then was quite true. Human friendships are very complex, and and they bore with me with great grace and probably a good deal of prayer, and I probably in the moment forget about their sexuality. On the one hand, that could be thought of blotting out who they were, but on other it is exactly how life is lived in the real world all the time; breathing, living, loving and stuff, all without a particular label.
However, the conversation ended with Keith in his own unique way saying, that if I had spoken of an individual in the way I just had purely on the grounds of race, then I would quite rightly be called racist, therefore he could only conclude I was homophobic.
I am ashamed to say; he was right. I was.
That does not mean everyone who held or holds to the position I used to should be called thus. Humans are complex.
I just had to admit that I was... and that realisation, shocking though it was, brought about change and realisation that I was far better than how I had been labelled and that position was not healthy for me and those around me, who I delighted and still delight to call friends.
In all our debating, wherever it is, let us remember each other's humanity and move from exclusion to embrace.
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